I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
