people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
