I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
