Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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