The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
