Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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