that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What a dumb baby whore.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
