I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
