I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
