my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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