I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
