I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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