guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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