I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
