I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
