I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
