I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
well you can't waste a boner
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
