What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
