you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
