We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
