Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Did I show you my penis last night?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
