i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
