I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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