probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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