If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
