I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
