Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
