she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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