from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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