this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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