I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
