i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
