I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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