Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
