Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
