I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
