Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
