Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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