I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
