he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
