I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
