i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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