He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
