hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
