Tell her she can't have a vagina
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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