you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
