need another drink. this is the easiest way
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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