He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
