dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just invented taco cereal.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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