Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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