Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
