I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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