She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
