I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
