I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
