guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
