i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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