Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
