i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I know her cup size but not her name....
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